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Fetching Facebook Statuses:
- Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
- My level of lazy is that I don’t think house arrest would be that bad.
- I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.
- Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
- I have 4 missed calls from my mom. A rescue team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting in my underwear on my couch eating cheetos any minute now.
- How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
- Computer games don’t affect kids, I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive music.
- While I fully intended to “sleep my way to the top,” it appears I’ve napped my way to the middle.
- Everyone criticizes the Salem Witch Trials, but we haven’t had a witch attack in over 200 years.
- Rolling up a blunt is like rolling up all your worries and lighting them on fire.
- Please create a password. Your password must contain a capital letter, a number, an emoji, 8 elements from the periodic table and a plot containing a protagonist with some character development and a twist ending.
- Facebook keeps asking me “What’s happening,?” “What are you thinking?” Like it’s caught me standing in the doorway to it’s bedroom in the middle of the night with a raincoat on and an axe in my hands.
- I hate when people don’t understand my sarcasm they ruin everything.
- Cancel… Cancel!….Cancel!!….CANCEL!….. Message sent… Kill me now.
- “Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
- Best kind of laughter: Laughing so hard that your laugh becomes silent.
- How I use my phone: 50% to check the internet 20% to text 15% to take photos 10% check the time 5% to actually call.
- Perfect has seven letters. So does meeeeee. Coincidence? I think not.
- A friend asked if we have a thesaurus and I told them to use their brain. I mean it’d be pretty obvious if we had a dinosaur wouldn’t it?
- I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
The Panda Diet:
True dat. The Panda life might just be perfect for me.
Crazy Sand Art…
Wow, where did those 15 minutes go? I think I got hypnotized. I feel funny.
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