Newscaster Fail, Ghost Hunters, and 20 Witty Status Ideas

Make Wednesday count, share these…

20 Witty Status Ideas:

  1. I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
  2. So let me get this straight – you had a house designed and built just for you, but you didn’t put in any secret passageways?
  3. I was about to make a joke about Pangaea, but it kinda fell apart.
  4. Super glue in a non-stick pan? Lets just see who’s got the real deal product here.
  5. You ever miss something so bad that you wish you never had it in the first place..
  6. As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
  7. The problem with diets is nachos.
  8. This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
  9. Getting coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
  10. Want to drive a woman crazy? Get over her.
  11. If at any point in the conversation you say the word “insane,” I will silently add “in the membrane.”
  12. Some of you have more posts in a day than I have thoughts.
  13. A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
  14. Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths.
  15. Apparently “I’m outta here, play on playa” is not the proper way to tell your boss you’re leaving early.
  16. I want an auctioneer to read my eulogy.
  17. I think it’s time for some of you to put down the urban dictionary and pick up a real one.
  18. If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
  19. Don’t try to understand girls. Girls understand girls and they hate each other.
  20. Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Ghost Hunters TV Show:

Sounds about right.

News-reporter urgently wants to make it to a basketball game… and then this happens:


Doh! Feel so bad for him 🙂 On live TV nonetheless. Share if you’d like, I’m sure he’d appreciate it.

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