Make Monday count, share these…
Clever Facebook Status Posts:
- You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
- The tv remote fell under the bed so I guess it’s TBS, on an uncomfortably high volume, for the next 5 years.
- Talking about Star Wars on a first date is a wookie mistake.
- The way you feel while mumbling through that part of the song you don’t know is how I feel about all my life decisions.
- Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
- Sometimes I catch a spider, tie him up and waterboard him. Then I throw him outside so he can tell his friends not to mess with me.
- Saw a homeless guy with a sign that said “Anything helps!” So I punched him in the face. Feels good to give back.
- Put your GPS on full volume for your daily commute if you want to know what marriage is like.
- Settle down people who respond with “k”. Your enthusiasm is overwhelming.
- If you use OMG or LOL as words in a spoken conversion, I wil pound your face then ROFLMFAO.
- Really offended these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don’t treat every burrito with the utmost respect.
- I hate when Doctors asks questions like . . . “Are you sexually active?” Depends on what you mean by “active”. There are plenty of “active” volcanoes that haven’t gone off in over 50 years.
- It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
- In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I’m right.
- Deja poo. The feeling that you’ve heard this shit before.
- The fact that this generation of kids will never know the pain of a Blockbuster late fee really pisses me off.
- There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
- You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him: “that’s a girl’s name!” Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin’ Terry.
- Fact: No one has ever “Jumped in the shower.”
- I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Cat Vs. Bee (Hint: Bee Won)
LOL! Dat Paw Doe. Poor KittEhhh we hope it gets well soon 🙂
He really doesn’t care… at all! Like a boss 😛
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