Christmas Status Updates 2014

Merry Christmas! Time for our Funny Christmas Status Update spectacular…

Funny Christmas Status Updates:

  1. Hope your holiday is full of family and fun. And good luck combining those two!
  2. All I want for Christmas is for these calories to not count.
  3. Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
  4. I knew you were coming so I baked a cake. It was delicious.
  5. You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer but you can’t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
  6. All I want for Christmas is you… and pizza too.
  7. Everyone’s getting into relationships. What am I getting into? MORE FOOD BRB.
  8. I bet the frankincense guy was all like, “Let’s put the three items in one gift basket and the basket can be from all of us.”
  9. Two tips for Christmas:
    1) Forget the past, you can’t change it.
    2) Forget the present, I didn’t get you one.
  10. My goal in 2015 is to accomplish the goals of 2014 which I should have done in 2013 because I made a promise in 2012 and planned in 2011.
  11. Maybe in 2015 people will text me back.
  12. Single bells
    Single bells
    Single all the way.
  13. “At least you love me.” I say to my pet as I hold them against my chest as they try to get away
  14. Top 40 radio sucks because the same 6 artists sing 100 songs; Christmas music sucks because 100 artists sing the same 6 songs.
  15. Google should have a Christmas Season Street View that shows houses with Christmas lights.
  16. What if the zombie apocalypse hits on Christmas Eve and most the world is forever decorated in some twisted, undead Christmas motif?
  17. If playing the same music constantly is a form of torture, do shops at christmas torture their employees?
  18. “Merry Christmas” is just a really specific version of “Have a nice day”
  19. I’ve come to terms with the fact that it never “feels like Christmas” anymore because I’ll never be as happy as I was when I was a child.
  20. Home Alone is like a kid’s version of Die Hard.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Unexpectedly Awesome Christmas Gift:


The pure joy in that boys face is priceless. He’s going to be an amazing big brother.

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