Find something that fits you, and share…
Brilliant Facebook Statuses:
- We can only be friends if you are kind of a bitch. Not a full blown bitch, because that’s no fun. And if you’re not a bitch at all, that won’t work either. A halfway bitch. Those are my kind of people.
- I’ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason.
- I hate the phrase “Kids will be kids”. I think it should be replaced with “Bad parenting results in assholes”..
- Yes, hello 911 I’m being forced into adulthood and I don’t like it send help.
- If I had a dollar for every time someone spelled my name wrong, I could pay for college, semester abroad, a new car, and a mansion in cash.
- Me: I’ll do it at 7PM
Me: oops too late, gotta wait till 8 now
- I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
- You’ll end up real disappointed if you grow up thinking everyone has the same heart as you do.
- I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
- If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
- My favorite activity is pretending that I can sing.
- That awkward moment when you think someone is ignoring you when in reality you just didn’t press send.
- Birth control pills should probably be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest!.
- When my kid loses a tooth, I’m telling him the tooth fairy charges a $5 disposal fee.
- If someone says you’re a nice person, these things will happen: 1) They will ask you for a favor. 2) You will not get laid.
- If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood…
- “I read it on the internet” is the new “My friend’s friend.”
- I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
- Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty, Little Ball of Fur. Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty, Purr Purr Purr.
- McDonald’s should have an express drive thru lane just for people who need french fries.
How to Catch a Train in China…
I did not think they were going to… and then they did. Could you imagine???