Iced Tea Bossman, AutoCorrect Gone Wild, and Ingenious Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Ingenious Facebook Status Updates:

I’m filthy rich. 50% of this is true.
I love how the internet has improved people’s grammar far more then any English teacher has. If you write “your” instead of “you’re” in a English class all you get is a red mark…. Mess up on the Internet just once, and may God have mercy on your soul.
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
True love is missing them every second you’re away from them, and wanting to strangle them every second you’re with them.
If you don’t like something, just take away it’s only power: Your attention.
Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.
When a spider is big enough for me to hear it moving from a distance I can call the cops right?
When you hear a certain song, you can close your eyes and get sucked back into a moment of your life. Music has power like nothing else
I’d never slip a roofie in your unattended drink. I’m broke. I’m going to drink your unattended drink.
Dogs are tough. I’ve been interrogating this one for hours and he still won’t tell me who is a good boy.
I’d like to be a kid again but only because twirling in circles was acceptable and the only password I had to remember was “open sesame.”
Sorry I can’t hangout, my phone is only at 61%.
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
I wake up relatively happy every morning. Then I interact with other people and things change quickly.
Got to love the casino, for a couple of hundred dollars you get 10 minutes of fun and a FREE drink!
Washing my sheets always ends with me sleeping on a bare mattress with a naked pillow, covered in a quilt that was on the couch.
Every time you can walk away with your head held high, and laugh during a difficult time, you win.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.