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Top Funny Facebook Statuses
- Law & Order is Scooby Doo for adults.
- My life feels like a test I didn’t study for and everybody is being a dick and not letting me cheat.
- If my job was to browse the Internet and play on my phone, I don’t know what I’d do to slack off, but I’m sure I’d find something.
- I hope I never go to jail because I haven’t memorized a phone number since 2001.
- Are the Pringles and Monopoly guy related?
- Anger hurts you, not the person you’re angry at. Don’t waste life getting mad all the time.
- My bracket has more x’s than Taylor Swift.
- They really should consider making “Oh crap! I missed my exit!” exits.
- Sure, there’s plenty of fish in the sea. But there’s also sharks, seaweed & toxic waste.
- When icons bounce up & down on my Mac toolbar demanding attention, I want to whack them. Just like in that the mole game.
- There’s always that one jerk in the gym who thinks he’s competing in the friggin’ Olympics.
- Whenever I accidentally push a “pull” door, I keep pushing until the hinges snap and act like that was my plan the whole time.
- The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to “watch a movie” is actually watching a movie.
- Two tips for faster jogging (1) hot guy in front of you; (2) creepy dude behind you.
- Feminists, do you hold doors? Do you carry your man’s stuff when shopping? Do you apologize for no reason? Don’t talk about equal rights.
- Never assume that somebody loves you just because they are sweet sometimes. Make sure you’re not their “when I’m bored” person.
- I was just about to get offended by a stranger on the Internet but then I remembered I’m not an idiot.
- Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That’s not lazy, that’s proactive.
- Narcissist? Let’s just calm down with the big words and keep this conversation about me.
- How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Super Cute (and massive) Lion:
That’s less of the “King of the Jungle” and more of the “Wizard of Oz” Lion.
Cat Walking Dog Home:
Guess we know who’s the boss of that family 😉 Share this video with your Facebook friends for instant likes, karma, and comment love.