Facebook Status Updates

Cape Town, Wild Cows, & Pro Status Updates

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Statuses everyone can use, try these:

Pro Status Updates That Make You Think:

I looked out the window & watched a dog chase his tail for 10 minutes & thought WOW dogs are so easily entertained. I then realized I just watched a dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
They should make an award for someone that can use a whole tube of chapstick without loosing it.
The awkward moment when you make eye contact with someone through the little crack in the bathroom stall.
Admit it. At some point in your life you’ve tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light turns off.
Go to the train station and make eye contact with someone as the train pulls away and then chase after it it while yelling “I LOVE YOU!”
I always try to accomplish something before the microwave reaches zero.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
When Life hands you lemons, calmly cut one in half, turn around and squirt juice in Life’s eye.
I listen to the first 30 seconds of an accidental pocket dial like I’m in an FBI van.
Trust is like an eraser. It gets smaller with every mistake you make.
You can’t hum while holding your nose. Try it.
I’m no scientist but you’re an idiot.
When I eat a chocolate bunny I bop it on the head 1st; to show respect to field mice that lost family in the little bunny foo foo massacre.
If cars could run on BS, we would ALL have full tanks. Always.
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
It seems that some people on Facebook “like” everything but grammar.
Sometimes I wish real world conversations had a 140 character limit…
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
Before you give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you can get by with what is left.
The first rule of relationships: You don’t find out why someone was available until it’s too late.