Facebook Status Updates

Big Ass Dog, Dolphin

Editorial Team

922

Get through Wednesday, share these…

Hump Day Facebook Status Updates:

Wednesday, I know you’re not Monday, but you still kinda suck.
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.
If you always do what you have always done, then you will get what you have always got.
I email you because you make social interaction awkward.
Hiring electricians without eyebrows generally isn’t a good idea.
I’m not saying your opinion is stupid. I’m just saying you’re stupid for having it.
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
If State Farm were such a good neighbor they’d come over and pick up all the dog crap in my yard.
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
Is there a “very single” option on Facebook?
If you make me get up from this chair and your not on fire, you will be!
I try to live everyday as if it were my last. Who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
“In an unhealthy relationship” should definitely be a Facebook option.
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
Time goes by way too fast when you’re sleeping.
I propose we add a new day to the week and call it “Someday,” just think of all the awesome stuff that would happen on it.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
You’re only as cool as your nickname.