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Puppy Pinwheel, Red Hot Chili Pepper Hair, and Hilarious Social Network Statuses

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20 Hilarious Social Network Statuses for the addicted…

Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
I hate it when I’m wearing my apple bottom jeans and I can’t find my boots with the fur.
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
That awkward moment when you realize that your child has left the room and you’ve been watching Sesame Street by yourself. For 25 minutes.
How weird is it to have pets? Like a random animal just lives in your house and you can’t communicate with it but you both just accept it.
Do animals think in English or in the sounds they make?
How come packages that say “easy open” always take a light saber to open?
Pillow forts have no age limit when you’re awesome.
Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side because it’s fertilized with crap.
“Girls love illegible texts at 3 am, trust me man.” -Jack Daniels
So I heard you’re a player. Well nice to meet you… I’m the coach.
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?!
I’m really glad we don’t have to hunt our own food anymore…. I don’t even know where sandwiches live.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
New rule: unless you punched a shark in the face to dislodge that tooth, you’re not allowed to wear it on a necklace.
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
I’m assuming Greek yogurt is just regular yogurt but with way more hair.
Eventually the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs.
If we can teach gorillas sign language, we can definitely teach them the dance to Thriller. GET ON IT SCIENCE!