Best Friends, Guiltiest Walk Ever, & Witty Statuses

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Witty Facebook Statuses:

  1. You call it “Road Rage”, but I call it “Aggressively maneuvering around idiots who don’t know how to drive”.
  2. Self-control is saying “that’s enough episodes for tonight.” Looking at you… Netflix!
  3. I can be a pretty big asshole when I’m hungry.
  4. You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
  5. Apparently “some assembly required” is IKEA for “here’s a pine tree, pocket knife and some nails.”
  6. If Facebooking was a job I’d be rich.
  7. If you’re still single, it’s because God is not ready to share you yet.
  8. Laying in bed. Don’t want to move. Someone go pee for me.
  9. If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
  10. Thanks confirmation email telling me I’ve successfully unsubscribed from your emails.
  11. I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
  12. It’s all fun and games until you’re old.
  13. Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
  14. Taking your bra off at the end of a super long day is quite possibly one of best feelings ever.
  15. Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
  16. The earth is dangerous, we need to go back to Mars.
  17. Actually Spiderman is a web designer.
  18. I don’t know why I love, but I always know why I hate.
  19. Fireman should be made of fire if snowman is made of snow.
  20. “You are probably a 30-year old fat drunk dude with nothing better to do than play video games” – An incredibly correct kid on Xbox Live

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Best Friends Cat + Dog!

best friends cat and dog

Those two are so cute!

Guiltiest Walk Ever…

Dat doggie did somezing NAUGHTY! Can you tell?

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