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Witty Facebook Statuses:
- Some people live life in the fast lane. I’ve spent most of mine on the side of the road, hood open, staring at a smoking engine, scratching my head.
- My vocabulary can beat your vocabulary’s ass, arse, bum, buttocks, rear end, booty, backside, tush, tuckus and badonkadonk.
- That awkward moment when someone asks “what’s wrong” and they’re the problem.
- Being afraid of North Korea is like calling the FBI because someone threatened you in a YouTube comment.
- I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
- ” I just launched a new fragrance!” – a great way to announce a fart.
- My Living Will says it’s okay to pull the plug on me, but I’d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
- A woman without curves is like jeans without pockets…you don’t know where to put your hands.
- Rumors are as dumb as the people who started them, and as fake as the people who help spread them.
- Firetrucks & Ambulances would be much more effective if they were to replace that annoying siren with the song “Move Bitch” by Ludacris.
- One of my favorite hobbies before Facebook was having a life.
- Dear ear buds, Please refraining from having wild sex in my pocket and getting tangled Thnx (Sick of Tangled Earbuds? Check out Zipbuds!)
- I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
- Don’t you love it when your Phone is about to fall, and your earphones save it’s life?
- I used to say that I wanted to make ridiculous amounts of money. I think I should have chosen my words more carefully.
- As long as your mistakes are new ones, you can argue that you’re making progress.
- I have life moments when all I can do is stop and say “Seriously?”
- Nothing sucks more than that moment in an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
- Went for a mile run yesterday. Stupid ice cream man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
- If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
Hey there little fella! Wanna play?!?! Share or LIKE this post if you think that’s one cute Bengal Kitty!
Shoes for Dogs?? Yup.
That was just plain ridiculous…ly funny!