My Bed, Olive Cat, and 20 Great Facebook Statuses

Today is the worst Tuesday of the year for everyone, so far. Make it better by sharing one of these…

20 Great Facebook Statuses:

  1. You posted a drunk selfie last night at 3:03 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let’s negotiate.
  2. I’m a lazy texter. I read a text and I forget to even reply.
    If I text you 24/7 then you must be special.
  3. Relationship goals:
    a relationship
  4. There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.
  5. Thanks for sending flowers but when I said my aunt was sick I meant at freestyle battle raps.
  6. Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved.
  7. Opinions are like peepholes. You only have a limited view out of your tiny window.
  8. Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I’m too poor to pay for studio time.
  9. Coffee: fueling you for a job you can’t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though..
  10. I broke up with my ex because she took a shortcut and beat me in Mario Kart. She’s never done this before. Another man taught her I know it
  11. We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
  12. What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
  13. I don’t like the idea of bacteria in my yogurt so I mix it with hand sanitizer. It cuts down on the taste, but I sleep better at night.
  14. This salad tastes like I’m already over my diet.
  15. Cars need “sorry” lights people can activate when they do something stupid.
  16. Just as our bodies heat up to kill off a sickness, what if global warming is the earth heating up to kill off humanity?
  17. Facebook should allow you to report things for false, misleading or vague scientific content.
  18. Ocean life shows how diverse aliens probably are.
  19. “The Floor is Lava” and “Don’t Step on a Crack” are basically early-life training for parkour.
  20. My dog has humped more humans than I have.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Olive Smell Drives Cat Crazy!

Cat either loves or finds that smell so repulsively attractive that she cannot resist but to smell it. I know the feels 😛 Feel free to like or share if you enjoyed!

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