Today is the worst Tuesday of the year for everyone, so far. Make it better by sharing one of these…
20 Great Facebook Statuses:
- You posted a drunk selfie last night at 3:03 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let’s negotiate.
- I’m a lazy texter. I read a text and I forget to even reply.
If I text you 24/7 then you must be special.
- Relationship goals:
- There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.
- Thanks for sending flowers but when I said my aunt was sick I meant at freestyle battle raps.
- Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved.
- Opinions are like peepholes. You only have a limited view out of your tiny window.
- Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I’m too poor to pay for studio time.
- Coffee: fueling you for a job you can’t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though..
- I broke up with my ex because she took a shortcut and beat me in Mario Kart. She’s never done this before. Another man taught her I know it
- We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
- What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
- I don’t like the idea of bacteria in my yogurt so I mix it with hand sanitizer. It cuts down on the taste, but I sleep better at night.
- This salad tastes like I’m already over my diet.
- Cars need “sorry” lights people can activate when they do something stupid.
- Just as our bodies heat up to kill off a sickness, what if global warming is the earth heating up to kill off humanity?
- Facebook should allow you to report things for false, misleading or vague scientific content.
- Ocean life shows how diverse aliens probably are.
- “The Floor is Lava” and “Don’t Step on a Crack” are basically early-life training for parkour.
- My dog has humped more humans than I have.
Olive Smell Drives Cat Crazy!
Cat either loves or finds that smell so repulsively attractive that she cannot resist but to smell it. I know the feels 😛 Feel free to like or share if you enjoyed!