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Funny Facebook Status Update Ideas:
- The best thing about marriage is never needing to use Google. Wives know everything!
- Ladies, stop complaining to us about how there are no good guys. If you want a good guy, chances are he’s the one you’re complaining to.
- WebMD needs to add the question “Have you eaten Taco Bell today?” when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
- That awkward moment when people are singing Happy Birthday to you & you desperately try to not make eye contact with anybody.
- Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
- In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
- Considering that Iron Man and Batman’s only real superpower is being super rich and smart, Bill Gates turned out to be a real disappointment.
- Some days I just have to repeatedly tell myself, “If Britney Spears can make it through 2007, I can make it through today.”
- Smile. It’s easier than explaining why you’re sad.
- Nothing says high class like wine and cheetos.
- I found the key to success…however, I found a note from success’s landlord saying that the locks have been changed.
- Is there an elevator “close door” button that works fast enough?
- Autocorrect can suck my dock.
- Sometimes what is said is not what is meant and what is meant is left unsaid.
- A genie gave me three wishes, but he said I couldn’t wish for more wishes. So my first wish was for that rule to not exist.
- The next time you give someone a card, buy blank Hallmark cards and leave them blank and tell them it’s because they leave you speechless.
- Gas stations should have happy hour.
- I love you is 8 letters, so is bullshit.
- When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
- Dear cellphone companies: please invent a “unsend my text” option
- Never look down on someone unless you’re helping them up.
Panda Nap Time:
Dawwwwwwww. Baby Pandas are the cutest! Share if you agree.
Overly Helpful Dog… Is Awesome:
Wow… is there anything that dog doesn’t know how to do? Post to Facebook for great likes & comments on this amazing canine!