21 Funny Status Update Ideas

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Funny Facebook Status Update Ideas:

  1. The best thing about marriage is never needing to use Google. Wives know everything!
  2. Ladies, stop complaining to us about how there are no good guys. If you want a good guy, chances are he’s the one you’re complaining to.
  3. WebMD needs to add the question “Have you eaten Taco Bell today?” when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
  4. That awkward moment when people are singing Happy Birthday to you & you desperately try to not make eye contact with anybody.
  5. Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
  6. In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
  7. Considering that Iron Man and Batman’s only real superpower is being super rich and smart, Bill Gates turned out to be a real disappointment.
  8. Some days I just have to repeatedly tell myself, “If Britney Spears can make it through 2007, I can make it through today.”
  9. Smile. It’s easier than explaining why you’re sad.
  10. Nothing says high class like wine and cheetos.
  11. I found the key to success…however, I found a note from success’s landlord saying that the locks have been changed.
  12. Is there an elevator “close door” button that works fast enough?
  13. Autocorrect can suck my dock.
  14. Sometimes what is said is not what is meant and what is meant is left unsaid.
  15. A genie gave me three wishes, but he said I couldn’t wish for more wishes. So my first wish was for that rule to not exist.
  16. The next time you give someone a card, buy blank Hallmark cards and leave them blank and tell them it’s because they leave you speechless.
  17. Gas stations should have happy hour.
  18. I love you is 8 letters, so is bullshit.
  19. When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
  20. Dear cellphone companies: please invent a “unsend my text” option
  21. Never look down on someone unless you’re helping them up.

Yesterdays EPIC Status Updates… | Ridiculously Awesome Timeline Covers For Facebook

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Panda Nap Time

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Overly Helpful Dog… Is Awesome:

Wow… is there anything that dog doesn’t know how to do? Post to Facebook for great likes & comments on this amazing canine!

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