20 Ridiculous Facebook Status Updates, Laundry Antics, and A Paranormal Pug.

Enjoy your Thursday, one of these will surely make you laugh…

20 Ridiculous Facebook Status Updates:

  1. I just told someone that I have to pee pee. It’s hard toggling back and forth between being a parent and being a dude.
  2. Together we can stop bathroom mirror profile pictures.
  3. We have so much in common. You want to travel, and I want you to go.
  4. Yes, you are entitled to your opinion. Why you insist on being wrong is beyond me, but go nuts with it.
  5. The statement following is true. The statement prior is false.
  6. You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
  7. Suggestion for Mark Zuckerberg: When someone defriends me on Facebook, a picture of my bare ass pops up on their screen.
  8. If Burger King were Burger Queen, their slogan would be “Have it her way! Or you don’t get shit!”
  9. I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough bitches who have no personality and know everything.
  10. Biologically speaking, the human body requires certain things to work in order to make a baby. Unfortunately a brain isn’t one of them.
  11. If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
  12. Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
  13. I’d never call you a useless bag of shit. Shit is actually pretty useful as a fertilizer, but I have zero uses for you.
  14. Look I see that you love me and would kill for me, but this guy over here barely notices me and has a GF. I’ll play the odds. -Woman logic
  15. They should hold movie auditions in bars. That’s where most men and women do their best acting.
  16. Dear McDonalds cashier, dont give me that look. There’s no age limit on a happy meal. And don’t forget the toy!
  17. It’s not a typo. It’s a modern progressive alternative respelling.
  18. “Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
  19. Do you ever just rub your eyes so hard that you just start entering some other galaxy of swirls and patterns?
  20. Some days you’re the Titanic, some days you’re the iceberg, and some days you’re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Paranormal Pug:

Cute or Creepy? You decide!

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