Enjoy your Thursday, one of these will surely make you laugh…
20 Ridiculous Facebook Status Updates:
- I just told someone that I have to pee pee. It’s hard toggling back and forth between being a parent and being a dude.
- Together we can stop bathroom mirror profile pictures.
- We have so much in common. You want to travel, and I want you to go.
- Yes, you are entitled to your opinion. Why you insist on being wrong is beyond me, but go nuts with it.
- The statement following is true. The statement prior is false.
- You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
- Suggestion for Mark Zuckerberg: When someone defriends me on Facebook, a picture of my bare ass pops up on their screen.
- If Burger King were Burger Queen, their slogan would be “Have it her way! Or you don’t get shit!”
- I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough bitches who have no personality and know everything.
- Biologically speaking, the human body requires certain things to work in order to make a baby. Unfortunately a brain isn’t one of them.
- If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
- Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
- I’d never call you a useless bag of shit. Shit is actually pretty useful as a fertilizer, but I have zero uses for you.
- Look I see that you love me and would kill for me, but this guy over here barely notices me and has a GF. I’ll play the odds. -Woman logic
- They should hold movie auditions in bars. That’s where most men and women do their best acting.
- Dear McDonalds cashier, dont give me that look. There’s no age limit on a happy meal. And don’t forget the toy!
- It’s not a typo. It’s a modern progressive alternative respelling.
- “Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
- Do you ever just rub your eyes so hard that you just start entering some other galaxy of swirls and patterns?
- Some days you’re the Titanic, some days you’re the iceberg, and some days you’re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
Cute or Creepy? You decide!
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