Score more likes, share these… Tasty Facebook Statuses… Yum! The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination. Whenever I see someone using a pay-phone I always think they’re arranging the ransom drop off. A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing. Some […]
Picture People, Ping Pong Fire, and Chuckle Worthy Statuses
These will score you laughs, share them… 20 Chuckle Worthy Facebook Status Updates: If a man says you’re ugly, he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s jealous. If a little kid says you’re ugly, then you’re ugly. If we goto a restaurant and have to choose between a table or a booth […]
Ice Avalanche, On Being Healthy, & Crazy Status Updates
Step Your Status Game Up, Use These… Crazy Funny Statuses: I’m not anti-social, I’m anti-bullshit. Hungry isn’t even a feeling for me anymore…it’s basically a personality trait. If it came down to it, I could probably survive on Skittles and beer. Seeing a spider isn’t a problem. It becomes a problem when it disappears. Being […]
Corgi Carousel, Funny Comparison, & Slick Statuses
Score more likes, share these… Slick Status Updates: It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs. Do you ever just rub your eyes so hard that you just start entering some other galaxy of swirls and patterns? Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps. Some days you’re […]
Celebratory Sheep, Blind KittEh, & Viral Status Updates
Make your weekend last longer, share these… 20 Top Viral Status Updates from this week: I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York. Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry. “I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make […]
Monkey Teaches Human, Yahoo Questions, & LIKE Magnets
Score more likes, share these… Like-Magnet Status Updates: When I tell stories about people I dislike, I give them ridiculous voices. I don’t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike. *Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break. Don’t underestimate my ability […]