Corgi Carousel, Funny Comparison, & Slick Statuses

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Slick Status Updates:

  1. It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
  2. Do you ever just rub your eyes so hard that you just start entering some other galaxy of swirls and patterns?
  3. Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
  4. Some days you’re the Titanic, some days you’re the iceberg, and some days you’re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
  5. Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
  6. The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
  7. If you can’t fix it with duct tape or a martini; it ain’t worth fixing.
  8. Be the strange that you want to see in the world.
  9. Just when you think someone couldn’t be any more annoying I test your theory.
  10. Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
  11. I like coffee that kicks you in the face in the morning.
  12. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
  13. “You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet.” – If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI.
  14. I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
  15. If I were president the first thing I’d do is put Kansas City in Kansas.
  16. If you water your lawn and wash your car in the rain, smiling and waving as you do it, your neighbors will leave you alone.
  17. Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
  18. You know it’s good pizza when the grease soaks through the table.
  19. There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
  20. The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.

 Yesterdays Status Updates… | Best Stocking Stuffer Under $25

Cats Vs Dogs

Sounds about right.

Corgi on a Carousel:

Adorable! That little guy really loves that thing 🙂 Share if you enjoyed.

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