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Slick Status Updates:
- It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
- Do you ever just rub your eyes so hard that you just start entering some other galaxy of swirls and patterns?
- Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
- Some days you’re the Titanic, some days you’re the iceberg, and some days you’re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
- Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
- The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
- If you can’t fix it with duct tape or a martini; it ain’t worth fixing.
- Be the strange that you want to see in the world.
- Just when you think someone couldn’t be any more annoying I test your theory.
- Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
- I like coffee that kicks you in the face in the morning.
- Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
- “You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet.” – If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI.
- I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
- If I were president the first thing I’d do is put Kansas City in Kansas.
- If you water your lawn and wash your car in the rain, smiling and waving as you do it, your neighbors will leave you alone.
- Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
- You know it’s good pizza when the grease soaks through the table.
- There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
- The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.
Cats Vs Dogs
Sounds about right.
Corgi on a Carousel:
Adorable! That little guy really loves that thing 🙂 Share if you enjoyed.