Score more likes, share these…
Like-Magnet Status Updates:
- When I tell stories about people I dislike, I give them ridiculous voices.
- I don’t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
- *Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
- Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
- When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
- I would like to thank my legs for always supporting me.
- A fact to make you feel old: Monsters Inc. was released 12 years ago.
- “Love” and “Like” are totally different, like “your” and “you’re”.
- Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
- I like you because our weirdness is compatible.
- My socks are excellent at finding the wet spot in my kitchen.
- I’ve got this amazing idea that I don’t really understand and have no idea how to explain.
- She said “I think we should see other people.” What I heard was “I already have a guy who’s been on reserve for months.”
- I would give up drinking but then I’d have no hobbies.
- Just downloaded a tanning light app for my phone.
- Internet killed the video store.
- Do birds get mad when other birds shit in the bird bath? “Dude what the hell?! That is NOT okay! There’s a car RIGHT THERE!”
- I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
- Nothing is more disturbing than sitting on a warm toilet seat.
- This guy has worse breath than my dog, and my dog can reach around and lick his own ass.
A Laugh & A Half…
And, they say there are no stupid questions… LOL!
Monkey Teaches Human to Crush Leaves:
That’s one smart Monkey! Just hope they never pull a Planet of the Apes on us 😛