Twenty new statuses, every.darn.day. Humorous Facebook Status Updates: I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week. That awkward moment when you’re on an embarrassing website and your computer freezes. In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food. There are two things in life […]
Facebook Status Updates
Dog Saves Owner, Overhead Projector, and Playful Status Updates
Score more likes, share these… Top 20 Playful Facebook Status Updates: Why do I have to play 20 questions with the gas pump, before I can pump my gas? Knucle Tatts: P-L-A-N A-H-E-A Hello Acme? Me again. I’m going to need a rocket and some roller skates. Yeah and a sign with the word YIKES […]
Smiling Sloth, Russian Darts, and Hilarious Statuses
Make Monday fun, share these… 20 Hilarious Facebook Statuses: That awkward moment when you realize you probably shouldn’t have told someone something. Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out. The only time I put my phone down is when it rings. […]
Chewbacca Dog, Drake Minaj, and Top Weekend Statuses
Make your weekend last longer, share these… Top 20 Weekend Status Updates: Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now. I’m so hungry I could Instagram a horse. You know nothing about a woman until she’s drunk and mad at you Watching Netflix before going to bed […]
Funny Statuses, Fluffy Cow, & Baby & Husky Talk
The best on Facebook this week… Top 20 Funny Statuses: Teach your kids about taxes and social security by taking 30% of their Halloween candy and promising to give part of it back in 70 years. Don’t grow up….it’s a trap! “I saw that.” -Karma You had me at “let’s get some coffee.” Rules for […]
Fancy Raccoon, Student Typewriter, and Laugh-tastic Status Updates
Score more likes, share these… 20 Laugh-Tastic Facebook Statuses: Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it. I want to meet the teenage versions of my parents. Whenever I delete text messages, I feel like I’m deleting evidence. I hope Karma smacks some people before I do. I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but […]