Facebook Status Updates

Smiling Sloth, Russian Darts, and Hilarious Statuses

Editorial Team

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Make Monday fun, share these…

20 Hilarious Facebook Statuses:

That awkward moment when you realize you probably shouldn’t have told someone something.
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out.
The only time I put my phone down is when it rings.
Must be lonely over there on “I’m offended by jokes” island.
If you’re going to make everyone sit at the light as you walk across the street at least do some cartwheels, finger pistols, twerk, SOMETHING.
Just ONCE I’d like someone to call me “sir” without adding “this is a place of business, please put your pants back on.”
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
You’ve got roughly .003 seconds after the cashier gives you your change to clear out before the person behind you wants to set you on fire.
Be good enough to forgive someone, but don’t be stupid enough to trust them again.
Friendship is so weird.. you just pick a human you’ve met and you’re like “yup I like this one” and you do stuff with them.
The thing about voicemails is don’t.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
That awkward moment when you leave a store but don’t buy anything, and you’re telling yourself, “act natural, you’re innocent.”
The best things in life are the ones that are impossible to explain to other people.
When I see ‘Please drink responsibly’ I assume they mean ‘Don’t spill this booze, it’s delicious.’
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but you’re on Facebook instead.
Hearing “I miss you” from the right person is a great feeling.