Facebook Status Updates

Dog Saves Owner, Overhead Projector, and Playful Status Updates

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Top 20 Playful Facebook Status Updates:

Why do I have to play 20 questions with the gas pump, before I can pump my gas?
Knucle Tatts: P-L-A-N A-H-E-A
Hello Acme? Me again. I’m going to need a rocket and some roller skates. Yeah and a sign with the word YIKES on it. No, I still haven’t caught him yet.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.
A “good girl” is just a bad girl who hasn’t got caught yet.
What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
Headphones: The international sign for “Do Not Disturb”.
What happens in Vegas (losing your money) stays in Vegas (all your money).
I would prefer car commercials that feature unprofessional drivers on open courses.
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
The worst things in life are also free.
Liking your own status on Facebook is like giving yourself a high five in public…not a good look.
I am in my own little world but it’s okay they know me here.
Why does the disclaimer narrater for prescription drugs always sound so happy about all the side effects?
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
Life is weird. First you wanna grow up, then you wanna be a kid again.
Dear “60 Minutes”: Your stopwatch actually measures 60 seconds. But nice try.
You know when you finish an extremely hot shower, throw open the door and cold air hits you full force? I’d like that in a Gatorade flavor.
We don’t lose friends, we just learn who our real ones are.