Twenty new statuses, every.darn.day.
Humorous Facebook Status Updates:
- I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
- That awkward moment when you’re on an embarrassing website and your computer freezes.
- In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
- There are two things in life that as soon as you finish, you can’t wait to do again…sleeping and sex.
- Be strong, I whispered to my wifi signal.
- We definitely need 3 weekends in a week.
- They could of at least added a middle finger emoji on iOS7.
- There are two types of people in this world.
People that pee in the shower, and liars.
- I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
- I haven’t used algebra in 3x-q years.
- Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
- I’d care more about your feelings if they were dipped in chocolate.
- Reality is overrated.
- You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
- I don’t drink about you anymore.
- Life experiences are like quarters, you lose both when you are sitting around on the couch.
- Either my shirt shrunk in the wash or, a more likely reason, those four push-ups per day have made me a BEAST.
- You only fail when you give up.
- Everyone has three lives: their public life, private life, and secret life.
- Can’t wait to get off work, then I can finally stop staring at this damn computer, and go stare at a different computer.
The REAL Food Pyramid…
Ain’t that the truth!
Cat Steals Dog Beds:
LOL! Poor puppies 🙂