Clever things to say, share these… 20 Witty Facebook Status Updates: The higher pitched my “hey!” the greater the chance I don’t remember who you are. Dignity: Is that thing you lose when you send someone a second text before they’ve answered the first. If you met my friends, you would understand. I work hard […]
Best PRANK Ever, Human Imitation, and Silly Status Posts
Happy Monday, Share these… Silly Facebook Status Posts: Before I workout, I like to warm up with 10 sets of selfie’s. Bread bowls are the waffle cone of the soup world. It’s not you, it’s your bathroom mirror pics. “Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans Sometimes I’ll catch my reflection […]
Waterfall Swing, Lick’d, and Top 20 Weekend Status Posts
Make the weekend last longer, share these… Top 20 Weekend Status Posts: Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea? I never follow my heart because involuntary, myogenic organs are terrible decision makers. The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE […]
Wobble Dance, Can’t Get In, and Hilarious Statuses.
Score more likes, share these… 20 Hilarious Facebook Statuses: When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work. How do you know so little about doors? Dumb ass. I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With […]
Dog Magic, That One Friend, and Clever Status Ideas
Get over hump day, share these… 20 Clever Facebook Status Ideas: Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, no one wants to hear about your workout. Nintendo should handle the educational system; I don’t remember half the crap I was supposed to have learned in high school, but I know all of […]
April Fools Day Status Updates & Best April Fools Day Prank Video EVER!
Get one of your friends with these… April Fools Day Status Updates: Yes, it’s true. We’re packing up and moving back to (insert previous state name here). We’ll miss everyone so much! “Hmm. I sure hope that I can find the bin containing my old maternity clothes in the basement.” — (The old “I’m pregnant” […]