Music Tastes, Super Police Dog, and 20 Priceless Facebook Statuses

Editorial Team

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Happy Presidents Day, make someones day share one of these..

20 Priceless Facebook Status Updates:

Mark Zuckerberg is at the perfect age and financial status to be a real batman.
I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”. If it were a good morning I’d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
You’re Lo Mein, you probably think this Chinese Buffet is about you.
There should be a TV channel that shows failed TV pilot shows that most people have never seen.
The “World’s Oldest Profession” can’t be prostitution because the first man to use a prostitute had to have some kind of job to pay her.
There should be a dollar store in the UK called “Pound Town”
They *should* make another “Taken” movie, about Liam Neeson’s character being under-appreciated for trying to keep his family safe. “Taken 4: Granted”
Technically speaking, I have no proof I’m not immortal.
Do main characters survive because they are the main characters or are they the main character because they survived?
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
That awkward moment when you’re trying to be totally serious but something makes you laugh.
I wear Crocs because last thing I need is bitches all over my shit in public.
My phone tried to autocorrect “f*cking” to “f*ck king,” and I was like hell yeah I am.
I’m in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend’s in the future.
When one door opens & another one closes, your f*cking house is HAUNTED!
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.