Panda Hug, Hot Tea, & 20 Clever Facebook Statuses

FunnyStatus Team

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Enjoy your Tuesday. Share one of these…

20 Clever Facebook Statuses:

The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club.
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, I’d like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.
“I miss those ice-bucket challenge videos.” -nobody
I hate when Netflix asks if I’m still watching. You really think I got my life together in the last 2 hours?
That awkward moment when someone asks you what’s wrong and they’re the problem.
I live by one rule: never trust a fat vegan.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
“Okay” means you’re in the clear. “K” means you’re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I’m talking about.
I only buy pillows that aspire to be forts.
When you are surrounded by darkness, remember so are the stars… just kidding, go f*ck yourself. also stars explode.
I’m looking for a girl who doesn’t have their drunk bone connected to their emotionally unstable bone.
The self checkout line was invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Remember when saying Cool meant “that’s awesome” and not “f*ck off”?
Disappointed that pressing the home button on my phone doesn’t instantly transport me.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
Forget torture, 10 minutes of hold music and I am willing to spill all my secrets.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
A unicorn is just a horse at a birthday party
If you use your iPad as a camera, you are asking for someone to come up and smack you in the face with it.