Happy Presidents Day, make someones day share one of these..
20 Priceless Facebook Status Updates:
- Mark Zuckerberg is at the perfect age and financial status to be a real batman.
- I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”. If it were a good morning I’d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
- You’re Lo Mein, you probably think this Chinese Buffet is about you.
- There should be a TV channel that shows failed TV pilot shows that most people have never seen.
- The “World’s Oldest Profession” can’t be prostitution because the first man to use a prostitute had to have some kind of job to pay her.
- There should be a dollar store in the UK called “Pound Town”
- They *should* make another “Taken” movie, about Liam Neeson’s character being under-appreciated for trying to keep his family safe. “Taken 4: Granted”
- Technically speaking, I have no proof I’m not immortal.
- Do main characters survive because they are the main characters or are they the main character because they survived?
- The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
- When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
- I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
- I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
- My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
- That awkward moment when you’re trying to be totally serious but something makes you laugh.
- I wear Crocs because last thing I need is bitches all over my shit in public.
- My phone tried to autocorrect “f*cking” to “f*ck king,” and I was like hell yeah I am.
- I’m in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend’s in the future.
- When one door opens & another one closes, your f*cking house is HAUNTED!
- If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
Super Police Dog can let himself in and out of the car..
Now, that’s ridiculous! How are dogs so smart? Share/Like if you love your dog!