Make your weekend last longer, share one of these..

20 Really Funny Facebook Statuses:

  1. That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
  2. I’ve never been closer to murder than when someone is talking during my favorite show.
  3. Do you ever look at your pet and your heart physically hurts cause you love them so much.
  4. Boom, crash, the sound of my grades.
  5. Why do I wake up tired and go to bed wide awake?
  6. I don’t know what I’d do without coffee. Probably 25 to life in the state penitentiary.
  7. Narcissism is such an unattractive quality. It looks good on me, though.
  8. Moms are like therapists who don’t care if you don’t have insurance.
  9. That awkward moment when you’re trying to be totally serious but something makes you laugh.
  10. If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
  11. Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
  12. Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
  13. Never call a woman crazy because she will say, “I’m not crazy!” and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
  14. That blinky light on each side of your car? It’s there so we all know what direction you’re gonna aim your 4,000 lb death machine. USE IT.
  15. I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
  16. My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
  17. If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
  18. I would rather have a life full of scars than one full of fear.
  19. I used to forget time with you. Now, I’ll just forget you with time.
  20. String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Lion Gives a Speech:

That is the true Lion King! Such an amazing beast. Although I wouldn’t like to meet him face-to-face.

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