Bashful, SlowMo Parkour Doggie, & Laughable Statuses

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20 Laughable Facebook Statuses:

  1. I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
  2. This is for all my people with no status today..keep your head up…stay strong.
  3. If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
  4. Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
  5. Got my cat fixed today. Now it’s a dog.
  6. Insurance companies remind me of the mafia. They try to intimidate you into buying protection with statements like ” That’s a great family you have!…..It would be a shame if something HAPPENED to them.”
  7. Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
  8. Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
  9. Lucky is the person who has the ability to see their own shortcomings. Miserable is the person who can only see the flaws of others.
  10. Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
  11. The best moves in life are made in silence. Don’t talk about it. Just do it and let them talk about it. Failure talks. Success walks.
  12. I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
  13. I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
  14. Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
  15. You know you’re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of google.
  16. The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
  17. We’re expecting a baby, but we are hoping for a dragon.
  18. If you type “coughing” into Google images, it looks like a bunch of people giving bj’s to an invisible man.
  19. The more periods she writes after “ok…” the less okay things are.
  20. (._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) … Because…That’s how I roll…

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Bashful…

Sometimes I feel the same way.

SlowMotion Parkour Doggie…

That was EPIC! You may share if you’d like.

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