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20 Witty Weekend Status Updates for Facebook:
- You never know what you’ve got until… you clean your room.
- That awesome moment when your best friend likes your Facebook status because they know the story behind it.
- Wish that Facebook had a “drama of the day” section to quick reference in my feed.
- When I’m bored, nobody texts me. When I’m busy, BAM! I’m the most popular person in the world.
- LIKE if you’ve already broke one of your New Year’s Resolutions.
- People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
- I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
- That awkward moment when your kindness is mistaken with flirting.
- Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
- I’m not always sarcastic… there’s a lot of times I mean every bit of what I say.
- Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or you’re taking shit from some butt-head!
- People say I’m sarcastic but I’m just investigating the effects of irony on morons.
- Just sitting here enjoying a few chips with my bag of air.
- If you’re depressed about the world remember that sea otters hold hands so they dont float away while sleeping.
- The most awkward place to run into a homeless person is on your way to a Coinstar.
- It’s funny how trusting of bartenders we are. I wouldn’t let my life-long best friend hold my credit card for four hours while I was getting bombed.
- Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a flat tire.
- Weekends are like an orgasm. It takes a long time to reach it, and when you finally do, it’s over in no time.
- Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
- Some people might as well post “Wants Attention” as their Facebook status
Share your favorite status update this weekend in the comments section. Most LIKEs wins!