20 Witty Weekend Status Updates

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20 Witty Weekend Status Updates for Facebook:

  1. You never know what you’ve got until… you clean your room.
  2. That awesome moment when your best friend likes your Facebook status because they know the story behind it.
  3. Wish that Facebook had a “drama of the day” section to quick reference in my feed.
  4. When I’m bored, nobody texts me. When I’m busy, BAM! I’m the most popular person in the world.
  5. LIKE if you’ve already broke one of your New Year’s Resolutions.
  6. People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
  7. I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
  8. That awkward moment when your kindness is mistaken with flirting.
  9. Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
  10. I’m not always sarcastic… there’s a lot of times I mean every bit of what I say.
  11. Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or you’re taking shit from some butt-head!
  12. People say I’m sarcastic but I’m just investigating the effects of irony on morons.
  13. Just sitting here enjoying a few chips with my bag of air.
  14. If you’re depressed about the world remember that sea otters hold hands so they dont float away while sleeping.
  15. The most awkward place to run into a homeless person is on your way to a Coinstar.
  16. It’s funny how trusting of bartenders we are. I wouldn’t let my life-long best friend hold my credit card for four hours while I was getting bombed.
  17. Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a flat tire.
  18. Weekends are like an orgasm. It takes a long time to reach it, and when you finally do, it’s over in no time.
  19. Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
  20. Some people might as well post “Wants Attention” as their Facebook status

Yesterdays Status Updates… | iPhone App | Android App

Share your favorite status update this weekend in the comments section. Most LIKEs wins!