Oh, Thursday, why can’t you be Friday? Share these… 20 Clever Status Updates: How to be skinny…. Step 1. Notice your body is covered in skin. Step 2. Proclaim, “Wow, I’m skinny!” Congratulations, you are now officially skinny. Twilight’s like soccer. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just […]
Men are Like Dogs, Jurassic KittEhs, and Silly Statuses
Get over hump day, share these… Silly Facebook Statuses: Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer. You don’t know heartbreak until you see the waiter coming to your table with food but then take a sharp turn to a different table. […]
World’s Hardest Working Dog, First Kiss, & 20 Creative Status Updates
Score more likes, share these… 20 Creative Status Updates: Who remembers going on the computer as kids, just to go on paint and space pinball? If you’re told you only have six months to live, immediately get married. It will make those six months seem like eternity. The past tense of wink is wunked. I’m […]
Doing Dishes, Happy Song, and Clever Status Posts
Make Monday Fun, Share these… 20 Clever Status Posts: What a weekend…trying to get the courage to look at my credit card statement from last night :/ I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog. People who don’t like […]
Toddler Maestro, Love Mail, and Top Status Updates
Make your weekend last longer, share these… The Top Status Updates for Facebook from this week: 6.8 billion people in the world and I just had to make my own sandwich. I’m so good at being bad. 8 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas, 6,000,000,000+ people, and I’m single. All my life I thought […]
Old Cop Dancing, Wat, and Funny One Liners
Almost Friday, Share these…. Funny One-Liners for your Status: I’m gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that’s where I’m gonna live. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off. It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking […]