World’s Hardest Working Dog, First Kiss, & 20 Creative Status Updates

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20 Creative Status Updates:

  1. Who remembers going on the computer as kids, just to go on paint and space pinball?
  2. If you’re told you only have six months to live, immediately get married. It will make those six months seem like eternity.
  3. The past tense of wink is wunked.
  4. I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
  5. Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.
  6. the best part about this status message is that by the time you’ve finished reading it you realize that there is absolutely no point to it.
  7. That awkward moment when you don’t know how to reply to a really sweet text.
  8. The best part about daylight savings is that the clock in my car is correct again.
  9. I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
  10. I’ve set my “life goals” to stuff I’ve already done so literally every day now I’m overachieving. It’s all about perspective.
  11. Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
  12. All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them.
  13. “I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
  14. My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
  15. When someone looks over my shoulder while I’m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, “HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME.”
  16. Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
  17. Please hold, your call is important to us. Not “hire more operators” important.. But like “if you need to hang up, that’s cool” important.
  18. I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
  19. How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
  20. To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today..

Yesterdays Status Updates…

20 People Kiss for the First Time…

That was pretty neat! Strangers sometimes just have a magical connection. Share if you found that fascinating.

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