Make Monday fun again, share one of these…
20 Clever Facebook Status Posts:
- Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.
- Coworker: What did you do this weekend?
Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
- Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
- I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
- Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
- I can make your gf scream louder than you can. – Spider
- You can kill your attraction to anyone by watching them chew.
- Hell is a never-ending Instagram account of a girl who just got a new boyfriend.
- No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
- My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
- Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
- Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
- I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.
- “I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!”
– How I got out of jury duty
- Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
- If there is one person that’s gonna put an N’Sync song on at your house party, It’s Gonna Be Me.
- Damn girl are you a Prius because you’re giving me no sounds or indications that you’re turned on right now.
- The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
- I’m from the Friend Zone originally, but now I live in the Bae Area.
- My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you.
Witty Status | Fan Page
Random Moment of Kindness..
I love when stuff like this happens. Really restores your faith in humanity 🙂
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