Disney’s Rules

you sing together you fall in love

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20 Funny Statuses:

  1. I always like seeing those “Baby on Board” stickers because it’s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
  1. I’ll call it a smartphone the day I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells “Down here! In the couch cushions!”
  1. As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
  1. It’s been an exhausting day of pretending I’m a pleasant person.
  1. Don’t judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
  1. Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
  1. Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit…
  1. Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
  1. Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
  1. Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800’s isn’t a selling point. Slavery existed then too…
  1. DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth’s equator, most of them would drown.
  1. Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
  1. The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.
  1. Before I got married I didn’t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
  1. My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
  2. I wear a ski mask to bed so if there’s a home invasion, the intruder will think I’m part of the team.
  1. I wish I could veto MY bills.
  1. To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
  1. I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
  1. Why must I prove I’m me, if I’m calling to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!

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Seniors At Bonnaroo

A group of people over 70 go to a festival for their first time.

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