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20 Funny Statuses:
- I always like seeing those “Baby on Board” stickers because it’s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
- I’ll call it a smartphone the day I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells “Down here! In the couch cushions!”
- As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
- It’s been an exhausting day of pretending I’m a pleasant person.
- Don’t judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
- Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
- Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit…
- Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
- Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
- Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800’s isn’t a selling point. Slavery existed then too…
- DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth’s equator, most of them would drown.
- Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
- The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.
- Before I got married I didn’t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
- My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
- I wear a ski mask to bed so if there’s a home invasion, the intruder will think I’m part of the team.
- I wish I could veto MY bills.
- To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
- I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
- Why must I prove I’m me, if I’m calling to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
Seniors At Bonnaroo
A group of people over 70 go to a festival for their first time.
Lots more status updates, funny pictures, and video, on our Fan Page.