Make your weekend last longer, share one of these…
Top 20 Weekend Statuses:
- I’ve robbed banks before…and they’re never getting their pens back.
- Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
- People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.
- Where there are pants, There is sadness.
- I think abs are for guys that don’t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.
- When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
- At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
- Don’t text and drive. Just pull over until you’re done using your phone. That’s what I do. I’ve been on the side of the road since 2014.
- Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
- I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
- Did any one else get cat-fished by taco bells breakfast?
- Fireworks are illegal here so all my family can play with tonight are lame old sparklers and high powered semi-automatic assault rifles.
- If you zoom into the background on your selfies you can see your dignity disappearing into the distance.
- My gf won’t get the remote that’s in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she’d be shopping already.
- Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That’s how many seconds you just wasted.
- I would rather raise a daughter who became a stripper than a contestant on The Bachelor.
- When Mike Tyson says “Bithneth”…… You know he really means business.
- My Girlfriend wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and was tired after a long day of work. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
- I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
- “Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
Police dogs vs. Regular Dogs.
Ultimate Drone Save..
Guy runs from a mile away to save his drone right before it sinks into the ocean and does it with style. This. I like this.