Overqualified, Adorable Thief, & 20 Topical Status Updates

Make someones day, share one of these…

20 Topical Status Updates:

  1. Guys, hear me out on this one.. A zombie outbreak could be prevented altogether if people were buried with their shoe laces tied together. Boom, you’re welcome.
  2. It’s hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it’s damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person.
  3. I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
  4. The NSA is the only part of our government that listens to us.
  5. If men could get pregnant, paid maternity leave would be in the Constitution.
  6. Girls with tattoos on your boobs, Why? We’re already looking at them.
  7. Don’t be sad, laundry. Nobody’s doing me either.
  8. person: How’s school going?
    me: Good. Sometimes I get the overwhelming desire to eat glass but it usually passes without incident
  9. I don’t need a stable relationship, all I need is a stable internet connection.
  10. You can’t please everyone. You’re not a glazed donut.
  11. I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
  12. Me? Weird? B*tch please, I’m limited edition.
  13. The police need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don’t want to see a band called “Parking Violation” at the “LA Superior Court.”
  14. Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
  15. I’m the type of person who tries to fall back asleep in the morning, just to finish a dream.
  16. Sometimes I feel like I have my life together and then I’m like
    that was a really nice 45 seconds
  17. Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
  18. Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah’s Witnesses of the Internet world.
  19. When the volume of the pans clanging in the kitchen changes. I can tell I’m supposed to go volunteer to help with something.
  20. I have two moods:
    1) sleep is for the weak
    2) sleeping for the week

Funny Pics | Gifs | VideosYesterdays Status Updates

How single are you?


That explains my situation!

The Adorable Candy Thief..


An honest thief, that’s new!

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