Woke Up Motivated…
Like dust in the wind..
20 Funny Statuses:
- That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn’t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn’t brushed her teeth in forever.
- Just moisturized my hands and now I can’t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
- My house has really let itself go.
- like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn’t have the same effect.
- My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
- My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
- The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
- If someone starts a sentence with “words can’t express,” brace yourself, because they’re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
- My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again.
- My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
- Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead.
- The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
- Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
- The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don’t even have to hide a body.
- The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it’s full of ceiling fans.
- It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
- Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
- “I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional
- I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there’s my drink.
- For an “adult” bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books.
Simon Pegg Pranks Twitter
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