Woke Up Motivated…

woke up motivated to do my job today and it's gone south park

Like dust in the wind..

20 Funny Statuses:

  1. That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn’t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn’t brushed her teeth in forever.
  2. Just moisturized my hands and now I can’t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
  3. My house has really let itself go.
  4. like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn’t have the same effect.
  5. My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
  6. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
  7. The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
  8. If someone starts a sentence with “words can’t express,” brace yourself, because they’re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
  9. My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again.
  10. My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
  11. Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead.
  12. The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
  13. Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
  14. The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don’t even have to hide a body.
  15. The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it’s full of ceiling fans.
  16. It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
  17. Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
  18. “I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional
  19. I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there’s my drink.
  20. For an “adult” bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books.

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