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Hilarious Status Updates:
- LIKE if you don’t use twist ties to close a bag of bread…you just spin the bag and tuck it under the loaf of bread.
- That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent.”
- Remember guy’s, flies cause disease… so keep yours closed.
- Sometimes it’s too hard to hate everyone all at once, so I hate people in shifts.
- There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
- I’m not saying that I’ve been online too long, I’m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts.
- Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to.
- They were going to make headphones just for women but the name Dre Beats Women didn’t sound good.
- Shouldn’t you have to pass a drug test to get a welfare check since I have too pass one to earn it for you?
- Showers are amazing. They make you feel nice and clean, make you sound like a professional singer, and help you make all of life’s decisions
- The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
- The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
- I can always tell how much I really like a guy by how long it takes me to delete his text messages.
- They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower….bastards.
- The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
- Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.
- Not having to set an alarm for the next day is one of the best feelings in the world.
- If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
- That moment when you’re laughing so hard and you try to stop but you look at the person and laugh again.
- There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change
FacT: Cows Have Best Friends
Good to see the cows being all friendly and what not.
Worlds Cutest Frog:
Dat Noise! So cute 🙂 Just like a squeeze toy that I imagined.