Robert Mugabe Comes In Like A Wrecking Ball
20 Funny Statuses:
- Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?
- I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
- Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
- Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- I love Costco. You don’t go there thinking you’re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you’ll probably leave with one.
- Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
- It’s amazing the things I can remember when I don’t need to remember anything.
- Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming
- How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
- Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
- I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
- Gym Update: Not there.
- If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
- I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
- I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get…well you know…Oreos.
- My favorite part of the day? The food part.
- I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
- Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
- As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER… USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN…
- Whenever you’re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember…the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Who do you think will win the race?
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