Make your weekend last longer, share one of these..
Top 20 Weekend Status Updates:
- If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.
- Play like you are #1. Train like you are #2.
- I hope manners is the next cool trend.
- I can send a text at 12:04 & be asleep by 12:05
- It’s impossible to tip-toe around without activating your T-Rex arms.
- Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
- If you don’t catch me before I take off my bra, then all plans are off.
- Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
- I hope that when Donald Trump dies he gets cremated and the guy working the oven says “You’re fired” and laughs.
- Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
- Smoke detectors should have an “I’m just cooking button” which deactivates it for 20 minutes or so.
- No one has ever been in an empty room.
- Dealing with you is like trying to nail jello to the wall.
- When does hibernation start?
- I put my hair in a ponytail, so I’m all set on my upper body workout for the day.
- Your password must contain at least one lie society told you and one dream you gave up for the financial means to survive.
- Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
- If your name is on the building, you’re rich; if your name is on your desk, you’re middle-class; if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor.
- I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
- I hate it when people ask me what I’ll be doing in five years time. Seriously, I don’t have 2020 vision
I can’t stop laughing. Not sure if funny or stupid. You decide!
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