Turn Down for What, Good Save, and Weekend Statuses

Make your weekend last longer, share these…

Top 20 Weekend Statuses:

  1. If you guys ever need anything always remember I’m just an unanswered phone call away.
  2. Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
  3. Dumb people never know they are dumb, they think you are dumb instead.
  4. My Vocabulary = 50% swearing, 50% sarcasm.
  5. Fast way to MESS up someones Knock Knock joke? “It’s open.”
  6. It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
  7. No smartphones for my kids. They need to suffer years of fleeting, awkward eye contact with strangers like I did.
  8. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that no matter how hard I wish, the slow moving vehicle in front of me will never spontaneously combust.
  9. If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
  10. Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
  11. Some company calls my house every single day & if you answer the phone they just hang up on you. So my question is, how do I get that job?
  12. Save water, shower together.
  13. In an alternate universe cats have their very own internet and it is full of pictures of humans doing stupid shit.
  14. If I should die before I wake… I ask the lord my phone to erase.
  15. We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
  16. Do you guys ever just stare into the sunset and think: I locked the door, right?
  17. Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
  18. Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
  19. Can’t believe I grew up for this.
  20. Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Girl Saves Canoe from Sinking…

Wow, she’s really rocking that boat 🙂

Kitty Rave…

Lets face it, those kittens have more rhythm than you ever will.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Please check back on Monday for more funny status updates!