Make your weekend last longer, share these…
Top 20 Weekend Statuses:
- If you guys ever need anything always remember I’m just an unanswered phone call away.
- Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
- Dumb people never know they are dumb, they think you are dumb instead.
- My Vocabulary = 50% swearing, 50% sarcasm.
- Fast way to MESS up someones Knock Knock joke? “It’s open.”
- It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
- No smartphones for my kids. They need to suffer years of fleeting, awkward eye contact with strangers like I did.
- I’ve resigned myself to the fact that no matter how hard I wish, the slow moving vehicle in front of me will never spontaneously combust.
- If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
- Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
- Some company calls my house every single day & if you answer the phone they just hang up on you. So my question is, how do I get that job?
- Save water, shower together.
- In an alternate universe cats have their very own internet and it is full of pictures of humans doing stupid shit.
- If I should die before I wake… I ask the lord my phone to erase.
- We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
- Do you guys ever just stare into the sunset and think: I locked the door, right?
- Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
- Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
- Can’t believe I grew up for this.
- Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
Girl Saves Canoe from Sinking…
Wow, she’s really rocking that boat 🙂
Lets face it, those kittens have more rhythm than you ever will.
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