Red Panda, Self Fetching Dog, & Witty Status Updates

Score more likes & shares, use these…

20 Witty Status Updates for FB:

1. When your ex asks if you can still be friends right after a break up its the same thing as having a kidnapper tell you to keep in touch.
2. Just rescued some wine.. it was trapped in a bottle. I saved the day!
3. You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
4. I’ve never seen a tombstone that read: “Died from not forwarding that text to ten friends.”
5. Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline????
6. According to the gas prices, I’m going to be on a diet for the rest of the week.
7. Every man was once a man trapped in a woman’s body.
8. When someone on the phone says “uh huh” then you know the other person just said “are they standing right next to you?”
9. When I’m about to die and my life flashes before my eyes I’m worried that a lot of it will just be Facebook and TV.
10. If you say “I slept like a baby” in front of me, I’ll always assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
11. DiCaprio never died in Titanic. In the end he goes underwater. Inception begins as him waking up on a beach. It’s like movie within a movie.
12. I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
13. Idea to fix world hunger — Olive Garden has “unlimited breadsticks” for like five bucks. Your move, Oprah.
14. Thongs are like barbed wire fences. They protect the property, but don’t block the view.
15. “Wow, that’s crazy.” ~ People that really weren’t paying attention.
16. There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
17. I leave browser tabs open because I think I’m going to come back to them but, never do.
18. More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
19. Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
20. The 3 C’s of life; Choice, Chance, Change. You must make the Choice to take the Chance if u want anything to Change.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Free Timeline Covers

Doesn’t get much cuter than this, folks…

Anything you want, Red Panda, I’ll do it!

Dog Plays Fetch with Himself:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNvjtyUh2OM[/youtube]

What a smart little doggie 🙂 Share this video to make someones day!