Score more likes & shares, use these…
20 Witty Status Updates for FB:
- When your ex asks if you can still be friends right after a break up its the same thing as having a kidnapper tell you to keep in touch.
- Just rescued some wine.. it was trapped in a bottle. I saved the day!
- You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
- I’ve never seen a tombstone that read: “Died from not forwarding that text to ten friends.”
- Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline????
- According to the gas prices, I’m going to be on a diet for the rest of the week.
- Every man was once a man trapped in a woman’s body.
- When someone on the phone says “uh huh” then you know the other person just said “are they standing right next to you?”
- When I’m about to die and my life flashes before my eyes I’m worried that a lot of it will just be Facebook and TV.
- If you say “I slept like a baby” in front of me, I’ll always assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
- DiCaprio never died in Titanic. In the end he goes underwater. Inception begins as him waking up on a beach. It’s like movie within a movie.
- I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
- Idea to fix world hunger — Olive Garden has “unlimited breadsticks” for like five bucks. Your move, Oprah.
- Thongs are like barbed wire fences. They protect the property, but don’t block the view.
- “Wow, that’s crazy.” ~ People that really weren’t paying attention.
- There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
- I leave browser tabs open because I think I’m going to come back to them but, never do.
- More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
- Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
- The 3 C’s of life; Choice, Chance, Change. You must make the Choice to take the Chance if u want anything to Change.
Doesn’t get much cuter than this, folks…
Anything you want, Red Panda, I’ll do it!
Dog Plays Fetch with Himself:
What a smart little doggie 🙂 Share this video to make someones day!