Top Secret, Speed Watermeloning, and Relevant Status Updates

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20 Relevant Facebook Statuses:

  1. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I honestly thought you already knew.
  2. If success seems unlikely, that should be your reason to push even harder.
  3. People are not mirrors, They see you completely differently than the way you see yourself.
  4. Meeting a blind date at Starbucks. She said shell be wearing Uggs, a NorthFace Jacket, and yoga pants. I got her narrowed down to 47 girls.
  5. Life would be better if more things were wrapped in bacon.
  6. My boss wants me to keep my headphones volume low enough to hear my work phone ring AND stay awake at my desk like some kind of wizard.
  7. Look down at your speedometer and ask yourself, is this the right lane for you?
  8. I don’t know who invented Nutella, but I’m going to assume they went to Hogwart’s.
  9. Life is a delicate balance between loneliness and wishing people would just leave you alone.
  10. Time to buy a new car, a bigger TV, a better cell phone and a faster laptop so I’ll finally be happy! (Repeat over and over until you die)
  11. You don’t want to look back on your life and say “I just made it through”.
  12. Do you ever just want to pack up and leave out of the blue without saying anything to anyone like just leave and start a new life?
  13. That awkward moment when you don’t know what to do with your life when you leave the computer, so you just get back on.
  14. I just awesomed all over the place.
  15. Before setting out to live by non-violent principles, just remember that Buddhist monks also invented kung-fu.
  16. If you’re in a relationship for sex it’s like buying an airplane for the peanuts.
  17. I got sent out of class once at school.The teacher yelled at me, “What would your parents say if I called them?’ I replied, “Hello?”
  18. What if you woke up with amnesia & all you could remember was your Facebook password and you had to discover who u were based off your statuses?
  19. Chapstick, bobby pins & hair ties are by far the hardest things to keep up with.
  20. I wish people were like money, so you could hold them up to the light to see which ones are real and which ones are fake.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Free Timeline Covers

Top Secret:

Top Secret

Office Humor, the most underrated of all humors.

Speed Watermelon Slicing:


That guy is good! He’s got a future in speed watermelon slicing or fruit ninja. If you enjoyed this video share or like the post!

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  1. So I bring my new girlfriend khaleesi in to the office and my Boss said something stupid to me and she replies replies “Drakaris” Yep she’s a Keeper 🙂

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