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Ridiculous Facebook Status Updates:
- That awkward moment when someone yells at you for clicking a pen…but you have to click it once more to use it.
- Relationship Status: Sleeping next to the warm laundry pile.
- Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
- With my eyes. That’s how I roll.
- The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake- you can’t learn anything from being perfect.
- Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
- I DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT, WHEREVER I WANT. .. as long as my mom says its ok..
- I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
- Can’t believe I grew up for this.
- What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
- If I were a bathroom tile salesman, my pitch would be “Think of how great this will look in the background of your social networking pics.”
- Funny how when a guy is broke, all of a sudden he becomes romantic “what about I make you dinner at my place and watch a movie”
- Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books!
- 1. Sit down next to stranger on park bench. 2. Place an envelope beside him. 3. Whisper, “It has to look like an accident.” 4. Walk away.
- Nothing satisfies me more than knowing someone underestimates me. Except the moment they realize they did.
- My ex said he left me because of my short attention span. Unbeknownst to him I actually…damn. Thats a cool ass word right? Unbeknownst..
- Wouldn’t it be awesome if MTV had a show called “16 and Applying to Colleges”?
- I hate it when someone cuts you off on the freeway, and you pull up to them to talk shit and they keep both hands on steering wheel looking straight ahead.
- Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
- The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
If Superman Used a GoPro…
If Superman? I mean, remember that time when superman used a GoPro? That was EPIC! Share if you must.
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