Make Monday work for you, share one of these…
Hilarious Status Updates:
- The only thing violent video games have ever done is make me sit in the same spot for fourteen straight hours.
- The two most stolen objects a PEN and a LIGHTER are both made by BIC. Is that a coincidence? I think not!
- The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
- I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
- Nothing confuses the hell out of me more than people who order unsweet tea and then put 7 Splendas in it.
- Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
- Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch this bastard already?
- Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
- Dear iTunes and Adobe, Would it not be more time efficient to just tell us when you are NOT updating?
- I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like…propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA!
- If alcohol kills germs and laughter is the best medicine, I’m the healthiest mofo on this planet.
- I have a new sponge in the sink and it just brightened my day a little. Being an adult is stupid.
- I hate waiting in lines. I wish this lady would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
- At this point, I’ll date anyone who fully understands the difference between “your” and “you’re”
- In 2027, my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time and BE FREE AT LAST!
- Remember when thoughts stayed in people’s heads?
- If you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent the night with a mosquito.
- The pain lets you know you’re ok. It’s the numbness you should be concerned about.
- Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
- You think I’m not online. But I’m always here. Even if I’m not posting. I’m here. Scrolling. Judging.
Hidden Camera catches “wanna-be” musician dog…
That dog was AWFUL! Probably why he’s practicing.
Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.