Sarcasm, Dinosaur in Compton, and Facebook Statuses for Whenever.

You can make someone smile, share one of these…

20 Funny Facebook Statuses for Whenever:

  1. I don’t care how hot you are, if your personality is sh*t your physical appearance automatically means nothing.
  2. I just wanna sit on a rooftop with someone at 2am and just look at the night sky, not worrying about anything going on in life.
  3. My super power? Opening a text and mentally responding…then forgetting to actually respond…
  4. When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
  5. When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
  6. Fitness? More like, fitness this whole pizza in my mouth.
  7. My best friends are my best friends because everyone else sucks.
  8. Sleep is my cardio.
  9. I just want to cuddle and watch Netflix with you.
  10. I may be offensive, but at least I’m an equal opportunity offender.
  11. Sorry for the mean, accurate things I said to you.
  12. There is nothing to fear but fear itself… oh, and spiders. F*ck spiders.
  13. Eats organic. Smokes cigarettes. #HipsterProblems
  14. Unless you are selling Thin Mints, do NOT ring my doorbell.
  15. Much like a puppy, I’m cute enough to get away with things.
  16. 6+3=9
    but so does 5+4
    The way you do things is not always the only way to do them. Respect other people’s way of thinking.
  17. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife, unless you’re a television network.
  18. A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
  19. Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
  20. I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dinosaur in Compton:


Those reactions are priceless. Could you imagine running into a dinosaur on the street? LOL!

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