Make your weekend last longer, share these…
5-Star Facebook Status Updates for the Weekend:
- You never realize how much you love sleeping until you have to wake up in the morning.
- Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates.
- I’m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
- Woke up this morning after a hard night of boozing, stepped on the scale and I lost 3 pounds. There ya have it. Dignity weighs 3 pounds.
- Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you.
- There are so many scams on the Internet now-a-days. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
- I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
- I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That shit’s dangerous.
- Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
- I hate music…. said nobody ever!
- I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
- I’m no cactus expert. But, I know a prick when I see one.
- Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
- Casual, but fun. Casual butt fun. That extra “t” can ruin your night.
- Do you guys remember how in the 90’s we had a room in our houses called “the computer room”?
- Hilarious how I can’t wake up Monday to Friday, but on weekends have insomnia so bad I can hear an ant cough in the back yard.
- Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
- The slow motion scene where the person walks away from an explosion but it’s me walking away from self checkout without needing assistance.
- I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
- Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don’t know how to play chess.
Ridin’ Dirty @ Disneyland…
Well played, kid! Ain’t no police messin’ with you!