Make your weekend last longer, share these…
Hilarious Statuses for Facebook:
- Thanksgiving: “Let’s give thanks for the shit we have.” Black Friday: “Ok, let’s get all new shit.”
- The first rule of Women’s fight club is don’t tell anyone what you’re mad about or why you’re fighting.
- Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
- I love when somebody posts a selfie and nobody likes it.
- That awkward moment when you can’t remember if something happened in real life or in a dream.
- I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
- I think the face you make pre-sneeze is the same as when you orgasm.
- I was the kid your mom made you play with out of pity.
- If you don’t like the fire….don’t tickle the dragon.
- Death is a part of life… Specifically the last part.
- Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
- If you give your two cents worth and a penny for your thoughts, someone, somewhere is making a penny.
- Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
- I could sleep for 2 weeks straight and still be tired.
- Two hardest things in life: Letting go when all you really want is to stay and trying to make someone stay when they really want to leave.
- Those random memories that make you smile no matter what is going on in your life.
- It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
- Grumpy old man: “You need to pick up after your dog.” Me: “It’s pee! If you want to grab a straw and suck it up, be my guest.”
- I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
- If you love someone set them free. Then send them a text message every hour letting them know you’ve set them free.
I hope his name is Winston!
Raccoon Plays Harp…
Well played, Raccoon.