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Hilarious Statuses for Facebook:
- A pretty face gets old, a nice body changes, but a good woman will always be a good woman.
- Next time you go on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and tell the person in front of you “Dude, these came out of your…
- My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
- We all have that one ex you don’t want the world to know you dated.
- You’re the last thing I see when I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I wake up… Phone, I love you.
- If there was a swear jar in my car, I would be broke.
- Our brains spend 85% of its time replaying memories and creating scenarios of perfect situations.
- There comes a point during checkout when the gift bag, tissue, ribbon & card all exceed 12 bucks, & I decide that IS your gift.
- If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
- Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you’re the valet. 3. Say yes.
- I have two feelings, it’s either “I’m hungry” or “I shouldn’t have eaten this much”
- The best things in life are free. The second best things are very expensive.
- Me: I want a hot body.
Me: Does absolutely nothing to achieve this. - Question of the day: when was the last time that you saw a music video that was relevant to the actual song?
- Insomnia is a glamorous term for ‘thoughts you forgot to have in the day.’
- Why does every wireless provider say that they have the best, fastest, most covered 4G network? Someone’s lying.
- I only give my pets names that would also be good passwords.
- My birthday suit doesn’t fit me anymore.
- Probably the worst thing about being a penguin is after you’re in an argument you’ll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute.
- How many times do I have to say “excuse me” before “get the hell out of my way” becomes acceptable?
Yesterdays Status Updates… | Free Timeline Covers
Prairie Dog Puppies:
The way those little Prairie Dog Puppies stand up, is just too cute! Heart meltingly cute!
Girl Swims with a Shark, without a cage (SCARY!)
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCN2LC_nBYQ[/youtube]
Whoa, that girl is either crazy or awesome. You decide! Share or Like if you think that was nuts.
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