No One Hides From The Boss
Waldo better watch his back…
20 Funny Statuses:
- Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
- I just changed my WiFi password to “blowmefirst.” I can’t wait for someone to ask me for it!
- Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
- Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn’t have said.
- Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
- Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
- I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
- Hi you’ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn’t be done over text.
- These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
- I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn’t reach the toilet paper.
- All’s not lost my Friends. It won’t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods……
- It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
- Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you’re happy and in love … Maybe I was in jail.
- If you can’t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that’s all there is to me.
- Time to turn over a new leaf … With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
- Don’t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like “always punch holes in the box so they can breathe.”
- I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
- I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.
- Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
- Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.
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Stephen Colbert “Who Am Me?”
Stephen Colbert digs deep to prove that he does, in fact, have a personality.
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