No One Hides From The Boss
Waldo better watch his back…
20 Funny Statuses:
- Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
- I just changed my WiFi password to “blowmefirst.” I can’t wait for someone to ask me for it!
- Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
- Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn’t have said.
- Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
- Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
- I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
- Hi you’ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn’t be done over text.
- These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
- I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn’t reach the toilet paper.
- All’s not lost my Friends. It won’t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods……
- It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
- Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you’re happy and in love … Maybe I was in jail.
- If you can’t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that’s all there is to me.
- Time to turn over a new leaf … With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
- Don’t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like “always punch holes in the box so they can breathe.”
- I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
- I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.
- Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
- Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.
Stephen Colbert “Who Am Me?”
Stephen Colbert digs deep to prove that he does, in fact, have a personality.
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