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Funny Facebook Statuses:
- The awkward moment when you accidentally make eye contact with the same person like 5 times.
- I’m amazed by how quickly I forget what I’m doing.
- I like food and sleep. If I give you my food or text you all night, you’re special to me.
- I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
- People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song.
- I found the key to success, only to discover that the door was never locked.
- It should be named as LOSS Vegas.
- They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
- There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me.” Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me how to live my life”
- Everybody has a shoebox hidden somewhere filled with old pictures and love letters.
- 3 year old me: OMG dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets!
Me today: OMG dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets!
- I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
- Friendship is so weird.. you just pick a human you’ve met and you’re like “yup I like this one” and you just do stuff with them.
- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
- People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
- I don’t like it when other shoppers look in my cart while at the grocery store. Trying to steal my ideas, go think up your own dinner!
- The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
- Living alone means never having to close the bathroom door.
- It’s sad going to McDonald’s and finding out that a meal is happier than you.
- If a girl compliments your dress, then you’re wearing a pretty dress.
If a guy compliments your dress, then you’re wearing a slutty dress.
Nice try, Mom! (via imgur)
Is that thing for real? I don’t know, you be the judge!