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Funny Facebook Statuses:

  1. The awkward moment when you accidentally make eye contact with the same person like 5 times.
  2. I’m amazed by how quickly I forget what I’m doing.
  3. I like food and sleep. If I give you my food or text you all night, you’re special to me.
  4. I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
  5. People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song.
  6. I found the key to success, only to discover that the door was never locked.
  7. It should be named as LOSS Vegas.
  8. They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
  9. There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me.” Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me how to live my life”
  10. Everybody has a shoebox hidden somewhere filled with old pictures and love letters.
  11. 3 year old me: OMG dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets!
    Me today: OMG dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets!
  12. I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
  13. Friendship is so weird.. you just pick a human you’ve met and you’re like “yup I like this one” and you just do stuff with them.
  14. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
  15. People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
  16. I don’t like it when other shoppers look in my cart while at the grocery store. Trying to steal my ideas, go think up your own dinner!
  17. The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
  18. Living alone means never having to close the bathroom door.
  19. It’s sad going to McDonald’s and finding out that a meal is happier than you.
  20. If a girl compliments your dress, then you’re wearing a pretty dress.
    If a guy compliments your dress, then you’re wearing a slutty dress.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Funny Status iOS

McFruit:

McDonalds Fruit

Nice try, Mom! (via imgur)

WTF Lyrebird?

Is that thing for real? I don’t know, you be the judge!

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